Hot Wyngz Discovers Cold Fusion
After a lengthy period of experimentation, SJC Long Island mascot Hot Wyngz '18 has discovered clean energy in cold fusion.
If you felt the tremors eminating from the biology labs of O'Connor Hall on Wednesday, then you probably already know. Physical sciences major Hot Wyngz has discovered cold fusion.
"I was putting 5-Hour Energy into a beaker," Wyngz told the press this morning, "when I discovered I'd left some liquid nitrogen in there from yesterday. There's a chance I also had introduced an acidic catalyst from an earlier experimentation from my work to cure bird flu in mice ... but mostly I use that beaker for 5-Hour Energy, so who knows? Bottom line, cold fusion."
A resident of nearby Deer Park, Hot Wyngz enrolled at SJC on a full academic scholarship to pursue his first love: The Dance. After shattering his paper-thin fibula in a dance off with rival Brooklyn Campus mascot Clinton D. Bear during the annual East vs. West basketball game, Wyngz retreated into solitude. He joined our physical sciences program with a major in chemistry, hoping to discover an elixir that would heal his broken bone. What he found instead will forever change the world.
"We're so delighted to share Hot Wyngz's work with the scientific public," executive dean Christopher Frost, Ph.D., told reporters at our 10 a.m. press conference. "Though known for his antics across campus, Wyngz has shown, once again, that it is the spirit of the St. Joseph's College motto — Esse non videri, 'To be, not to seem' — that truly shines through."
What's next for Hot Wyngz and his revolutionary invention?
"Dunno. I have a Talon meeting at Common Hour, so that eats up my afternoon," Wyngz said. "But spring break starts tomorrow! So I'm definitely going to bring cold fusion with me to see what it actually does in an uncontrolled environment — Cabo!"
Bravo, Hot Wyngz. Bravo.